SPREADING LOVE
- Hannah McDonald
- Feb 14, 2018
- 7 min read
Updated: Jun 10, 2022
Happy Valentine’s Day! In the spirit, today’s blog will be all about spreading love, through visiting the sick, friendly gestures, and marriage.
Part One: Mission Chai
Part Two: Hotel Friends
Part Three: 25th Indian Wedding Anniversary
Part One
Take a minute to imagine something: a loved one has been diagnosed with cancer, it is remarkably hard to get into a good hospital, the good hospital is really far from your home, you do not have the money to buy both food and treatments, and there is corruption surrounding the hospital. This is what it is like for many people at Kidwai Memorial Institute of Oncology in Bangalore, India.
Walking into the patient in-take room, hands filled with chai and biscuits, a father comes running up to Rakesh, Prerna’s father, with his son. His face showed nothing but concern and hope. Although I do not know what was being said, I do know that he was desperate. Holding his sons arm, he showed and explained to Rakesh the situation. The glimmer of hope he had upon seeing Rakesh could be seen in his eye, but it did not wipe the concern or desperate look off of his face. Later, Prerna translated for us: the man did not know how to fill out the paperwork to get his son the help he needed.
Now moving into the hospital wards, where patients are kept, it was nothing like you would imagine. There are no white tiled floors, sterile equipment, vital monitors, or even curtains between the beds. Rather, the floor has dirt accumulated, and the ward is simply a large room with beds lined up. A few patients had basic equipment, such as a device to breathe into, but other than that, patients just rested in their beds. Loved ones would sit and stand in a backless chair by their loved one, but that was all they had. There were no guest beds that could be rolled in next to your loved one’s hospital bed to relatively comfortably stay the night with them.
Entering the ward, biscuit packets were unwrapped from plastic and chai was poured into small cups and placed on a tray. Then, patient by patient, we walked around the room, serving chai and distributing biscuits. For some patients, a small smile appeared on their sad and tired face, and for others, deep signs of gratitude showed as they did everything they could to express how thankful they were. Simply giving the person a tiny cup of chai and a small packet of biscuits makes a huge difference in their world. Like I said, many cannot pay for both food and treatment, so this small amount of food may have given them the opportunity for more treatment.
Moving into the post-operation ward, both the rooming conditions and the patients were similar to the last ward. Even after just having surgery, these patients are in a communal room with no equipment monitoring them. When going through cancer treatment, immune systems are weak, and the spread of germs can be life threatening. But, there is nothing preventing this spread of germs to weak immune systems.
Walking between the beds, I felt as if the small cup of chai and packet of biscuits were nothing. I want to do more to help. It is difficult to understand the deep gratitude these people felt when it seemed you were giving them so little. The conditions they were staying in, especially in contrast to the United States, is difficult to wrap your head around. I still am not sure that it has all entirely sunk in, but walking through those two wards was so eye-opening and meaningful. I cannot imagine what these people are going through everyday, but I want to understand.
Walking up the steps of the pediatric building, a young boy ran past, looked at us, smiled, waved, and then shied away. He was too cute, and his smile, when he saw us, was not removable. Now in the ward with the children, it hit me how many there are and just how young they are. There is no way to describe it other than heartbreaking. Many of the kids smiled, waved, and said good morning; others were getting a bath; others slept; and, a few followed along in the excitement. But for some, despite the walls of the ward being covered in Disney posters, their mothers held them as they cried in pain.
First, milk and biscuits were distributed, and children gave big, warm smiles. They still have their playful, happy glow, although they are going through a difficult time. Then, we served breakfast to the children. This is not something that Mission Chai normally does, but fortunately, we got to do it today. The children were overjoyed at the sight of the food, showing how much it is needed. Their faces lit up and they would excitedly grab the plates as you handed them out. After everyone had been served, mothers and children came up and started filling containers for later. Seeing how desperately the food is needed had two effects on me: sadness for the situation and condition these kids, mothers, and other patients are in and warmth for how far such a small gesture can go.
As she was distributing breakfast, Prerna told one little boy, “you look good today!” He happily responded with a smile, “thank you, I know I’m handsome.” Other kids were giving high-fives and playing with the milk cups. The smiling, friendly, happy children warmed my heart but at the same time broke it, as I know the condition they are in.
Moving to the final stage cancer patients, the food station was immediately swarmed. It was difficult to get a line formed as everyone was so in need of food. The eagerness people had to fill their containers with food in itself showed the impact that is being made on their day with this small distribution.
Walking down into a courtyard with the director of the hospital and other Mission Chai volunteers, patients began to ask if hospital bills were presented correctly, as there is so much corruption and bribery taking place, while others simply asked for help. The patient in-take room had become very busy, but given how long of a waiting list I am told this hospital has, I am not sure how many of them get in. It is hard to watch so many people in need of help and the glimmer of hope they get when they see someone who may be able to help.
As I said earlier, I do not think I have quite processed the entire experience because of how much there was to take in and grasp. Nonetheless, I do know the impact that our few hours made on those patients. Watching a tired, sad, desperate face get a small glimpse of hope is something that will never leave me. Interacting with the patients, kids and adults alike, gave me new perspective and a new understanding. I think it is important to see and understand that there are so many people going through this, in need of help. I am grateful for the opportunity to be apart of Mission Chai. This morning was such a meaningful and eye-opening experience.
Kidwai Memorial Institute of Oncology in Bangalore, India is the second best cancer hospital in the country, leaving it in high demand. Mission Chai is a group of volunteers, founded by Rakesh and Prerna, that works to help these patients, from distributing chai and biscuits to helping raise money for patients’ needs. Rakesh serves chai and biscuits about twice a week, but the group has enough regular volunteers now that the chai and biscuits are distributed daily. Many patients come to Mission Chai to ask for help, and then, Mission Chai works to get them that help. Rather than being an organization that collects donations, holds the money in an account, and then distributes it, Mission Chai is a “people helping people” group. If a patient needs help, such as with paying for a surgery, Mission Chai will post on their Facebook page. People can then donate, whether in Bangalore or in another country, to help the patient. Below, I will provide a link to their Facebook page, so you can get more information, if you would like.
Part Two
For the third day now, Joelle went for a run, so therefore, I went for a run. The person working in the exercise room, who asked me if my mom was punishing me, we now consider our friend, given that we have seen him each day of our stay. Likewise, the man who replaced the sheets and towel in our hotel room made a cute dog out of the towels and left it for us. I know that this is not a very important part of the day, but it made us smile. And, maybe it can give some concept for the unique friendliness of the culture.
Part Three
As you may know, weddings in India are quite a large affair. Turns out, a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary is as well. Mom, Joelle, and I dressed in our new traditional, Indian clothing, thank you to Prerna’s mother (Seema), we headed off to an anniversary event. With traffic, the trek was about two hours. At one point, Rakesh got tired of the traffic, pulled over, went to buy snacks, and then poured them through the car window. When snacks are needed, I would consider it a road trip.
Arriving at the event, we covered our heads, walked to the front, did a traditional prayer, and then sat on mattresses on the floor—men on one side and women on the other. In total, the ceremony is two hours and, for the most part, in Hindi. We watched the last half hour, but given that we don’t speak Hindi, we did not understand a word. Nonetheless, it was a unique experience to be a part of. The women were all wearing colorful and traditional clothing, the prayers were being sung while they played music, and the room was nicely decorated.
After the ceremony, dinner and festivities began. We met many kind people, many being the friends and family of Prerna and her family. Prerna’s grandfather is a wonderfully kind and funny man, but we are unable to communicate verbally. Therefore, conversation can be difficult without translation: he said to Kritica (Prerna’s sister), “These people do not speak Hindi, and I do not speak English. Everybody is silent.” The undeniable truth of it made us all laugh. Following dinner, the music started up and the dancing began. However, a damper was put in the plans when noise complaints came in, and the dance was shut down. Oops! It was fun to watch while it lasted though. The dancing is much different than at gatherings in the United States, but good and fun to watch nonetheless.
Again, we are fortunate to have gotten more insight into Indian culture and traditions. It may have been a late night, but it was certainly worth it. Another big thank you goes out to Prerna and her family for the special experience.
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